Want something to do in the evenings when you're bored or lonely?  What if you could gather a group of your friends to your home after dinner once a week to have a fun friends' study group?  No special training required for a fun friend's study group, only a favorite book of your choosing that is therapist recommended. Be sure you feel safe belonging to a group of this kind.  If not, decide to seek professional help. The following are fun friends' study group suggestions.

1. The Dance of Anger By Harriot Lerner
2. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
3. Co Dependent No More by Melanie Beatty
4. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, Ph.D.
5. The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

                The fun friends' study group guidelines that follow can help you set the tone.   A main purpose for a group like this is to have fun and share your learning experiences.  There doesn't have to be a leader when you safely set up a reading and sharing group experience.  It's been researched that when women get together as in a group, something chemically changes in their bodies that causes them to feel really good.  How about that for fun?

1.       Want to learn to speak up and be in control?

2.       Want to basically feel good about yourself and not be such a pleaser?

3.       Nothing to do after work and dinner?

4.        Boyfriend problems or split?

5.       Divorced and wanting to share?

What would be these fun friends' study group guidelines?

1.       Have a focus with the choice of book and clarify your goals.

2.       Choose members that are stable enough to handle the confrontation and the fun.

3.       Pay attention to feelings.   Ask, "What are you feeling?"

4.       Decide to learn to be flexible

5.       Decide to be greedy in your sharing without monopolizing time

6.    Level by openly responding when confronted and express your feelings.  For example, "I feel frustrated when I hear your comment."

7.    Don't expect to be understood by the fun friends' study group.  Make it enough for you to be heard.

8.    Avoid advising, interpreting, and questioning; instead decide to share your feelings and your own experiences.  Tell your personal stories.

9.    Let the gossip go (gossip is a form of anger) and maintain a total confidential commitment within the fun friends' study group.

10.Let go of band-aid help.   By rushing in to help or be supportive or comforting someone expressing a painful experience, you disrespect their ability to fully express what they have to say.  People grow by living through their pain.

11.Give feedback using "I messages".  If something touches you let them know your reactions whether positive or negative.  For example, "I feel so connected to you when I hear your experience."  Be willing to be honest and level, which enhances the level of trust within your fun friends' study group.

12.Be willing to discover your defenses. 

The purpose of fun friends' study group is to discover your feelings and to identify defenses that prevent honest expression of feelings.  While change is a goal, look at the group as a tool to help you to discover yourself at a deeper level.  Look at the fun friends' study group as a place to try out experiential techniques or use new tools that can help you cope and even enjoy your life and your relationships more.   Keep the fun friends' study group light and have fun.                  

   Must Do Feeling Chart That Can Add to Your Self-Awareness

              Use this sheet as a homework assignment to practice being more aware of your feelings.  Ask yourself, "What am I feeling?  Ask yourself this question at the end of your day and place check mark by the feeling.  People often fear their feelings.  You need to feel safe in doing this exercise.  Don't attempt it if you feel unsafe.  Seek a therapist to work with you.  Feelings will become like a partner to be listened to, not feared.  If not in therapy share your feelings with a trusted and safe person or friend who will listen, not give advice.  Allow feelings to be part of you that can give you signals and clues to lead you to your truth.

Feeling                           Mon.               Tues.               Weds.                 Thurs.               Fri.                   Sat.              Sun.

Angry

Sad

Guilty

Lonely

Bored

Embarrassed

Afraid

Anxious

Disappointed

Hate

Happy

Frustrated

Disgusted

Love

Lust

Compassion

Confident

Jealous/envious

Affectionate

Excited

Confused

Resentful

Most People Think the Brain/Genes/Eating Issues/Disorders Can't Be Changed, but the Real Truth Is in Brain Exercises

The question to ask is how can you apply this concept of changing your brain and genes to be free of eating disorders (or any eating issue) brain patterns or negative behavior triggers?  It is documented by Doidge that brain exercises in some situations are more effective than medications.  Furthermore talk therapy as in psychotherapy is known to work in changing the brain as much as any medications do for depression and anxiety.  Those mental conditions are certainly a challenge for those suffering from any eating disorder, eating issue, or doctor ordered diet change.

Slow to make it's ways in the traditional belief system the idea of a flexible brain and its possibilities is shaking those old beliefs.  If the past belief has been that the brain is like the heart and is only mechanistic, then if one function and location is damaged, this rules out change.  This past belief has been called neurological nihilism.  In other words this past belief said, "You're stuck with mental limitations for life."

1.      Science got it wrong.  That is neural science. 

2.      The truth today is the brain has plasticity and you can use that knowledge to change your brain in many ways. 

3.      What might be the plan that can help eating disorders, eating issues & brain change?  We learn that our thoughts can switch our genes on and off, altering our brain anatomy.

4.      We then learn to use our imagination as a tool to "make it so" with this new brain model. 

5.      Books that begin with an initial eating disorders quiz can help you to find your weak areas. These weak areas are then given specific tools and exercises for strengthening.   You can find a workbook, playbook, journal, study guide and step-by-step approach that will give you the means to change your brain.

6.      There are so many ways to heal that no matter what your old beliefs are, many of the new brain exercises can help you. 

7.      The many myths regarding weight loss that can lead to eating disorders need to be put to rest. These continue to tease society into complacency and victim-hood.

 Let's look at an application of focused attention that changes the brain.  In using specific workbooks, playbooks, brain exercises/techniques, and the commitment to continue, a trained eating disorders therapist can help facilitate those positive brain changes.  Psychotherapy supports the individual in processing and letting go of negative feelings and negative thinking so that one can continue to be committed to using their focused attention.  Sustained effort needs to be encouraged by supportive safe others such as one's therapist, accountability partner in learning, a sponsor, or support group etc. 

For those that want results now would I ask you to begin an exercise program of running ten miles starting today? Do you think you could be successful?  Or would you be more successful if you started a walking program to build stamina and slowly increased it incrementally to running a one half mile then to one mile and so on.  Then you would find you are growing by following this plan of action.

The step by step approach for active eating disorders brain and genes change is modeled by Sherry.  Sherry is magnificent.  She is an active bulimic with thoughts of tantrum rage like "screw you" and "I'm going to let go and do for me."   Her purging behavior was eliciting feelings of doubt, shame, guilt and the undoing was loss of self control along with fear of loss.  Her life got to a point in her forties of going down the drain so to speak.  This prompted or madly drove her, at forty-four, to begin focused psychotherapy with brain exercises specifically from an eating disorders specialist.  She worked once a week in session, while doing her daily workbook/playbook brain exercises with a commitment focus.

Sherry noticed considerable positive changes after only six sessions and the bulimic deterioration that brought her to therapy began to reverse.  It is no wonder that Sherry engages her mind in something like classes or seminars, because she is a lifelong self-educator. In other words Sherry knows how to give it her full attention.  This was the exact ingredient to become successful at changing her brain

              According to psychiatrist Norman Doidge one needs to give what one is learning full attention to create change in the brain.  That's counter to what multi-taskers or book readers who quickly devour the information in a book do.  In his book, "The Brain that Changes Itself," Doidge powerfully points to the discovery that thoughts can change the structure and the function of one's brain.  This applies to old age as well.  What a breakthrough and it's being called the most important in neuroscience in four hundred years.  Doidge gives examples showing eighty –year- olds renewing their memory functions to the level of a person twenty years younger.  Doidge calls this a great example of adult plasticity or malleable brain that can and does rewire itself when it is damaged. 

After confronting those past "weight loss' myths, you can look for authentic clear cut brain exercises and actions that support personal empowerment plus the actual changes in the brain and the genes. Could this lead to healing eating disorders and eating issues on every level?  Is this truly the breakthrough action formula for proven brain change for all ages?  Yes.